I wanted to be able to go out and drink and be sociable with family and friends as I have a cycle of getting too drunk, being emotional, angry and lashing out at the ones I loved.
This is something I really hated about myself and I wanted to change. I didn't want to be that person anymore.
Through doing the work and opening up I realised that I had blocked a lot of trauma from my past which I never considered as traumatic until you see it from a different perspective which Mark helped me with.
I went into the workshop with a goal, and I have come out of it with an entirely different way of life which I'm still learning more about each day.
It is not a quick fix as many would like to think.
I've found that I had a lot of unworthiness about myself and how I was unworthy of love.
I also have deep rooted abandonment from both parents which I never would have believed If I never did the conscious collapse which is genius!
I have since realised that if anything was different or if my parents hadn't acted the way they did I would never be the person I am today.
I now truly believe that I am worthy of love.
I know that I am whole and that I have never been lacking anything in my life.
I now see both sides and when I am triggered, I deal with it in a different, sounder way because I have the knowledge to know that everything is happening for me.
Through doing the conscious collapse I have cut off ties with a lot of people that I was holding onto that weren't adding any value to my life. Especially those that I was in a physical relationship with. I was settling because I thought that's all I deserved. I now know that I'll meet my person when the time is right, I'm not worrying about time and enjoying being on my own working on me.
I have a new job which I am loving and feel very fulfilled from. I don't know if it's something I'll do forever but for now it is perfect for me. I don't have the stress I had before I have a better work life balance and more money which is great.
I have been taking care of my health a lot more. I'm eating a balanced diet. I am doing portion control with plenty of water and movement and I've been taking Sea moss everyday along with Shilijat and Chaga mushroom.
I've been out in nature a lot more enjoying the cold waters in Scotland and I'm losing weight steadily and feeling good along the way.
I have been doing a lot of different things socially and for fun I have been going walking in nature cold water therapy helping my cousin in her shop at the weekends spending time with the kids and family a lot more I have been keeping away from gatherings such as parties, drinking etc.
My family bond has become a lot stronger. I feel like I can communicate in a healthy way about my feelings and have more meaningful conversations with the ones I love.
I have become closer to my cousin who I didn't see as much which has been great. I've loved it. Her own path has been so challenging and she has overcome it. I think that I can learn a lot from her and intend to spend a lot more time within her circle.
I have also reconnected with old friends who again have gone through a lot of trauma and are overcoming it. They are encouraging me to try new things and be in sober situations.
I must admit I let my journaling and meditation slide, which is crazy because I really love doing it. I think that things were going well, and I didn't make it a priority until bang I got knocked back down again which I needed to happen.
It is the Blood moon eclipse tonight, so I intend to release and let go of the fear of change and progress on my spiritual journey for me.
I would have never been able to do any of this if it wasn't for Mark and his teaching and constant support even in times, I hid away he never forced anything he just held space for me every single time and I am forever grateful for everything.
This has changed everything for me.
It showed me to look at all parts of myself and accept them and grow and try to be the most authentic version of self that I can be.
I'm owning my shit and not hiding behind this love and light and everything is amazing all the time.
Which is why with the more I discover about myself I intend to make these changes for me so that I can learn more and grow more spiritually so that I can have the best life for me, my friends and family and the world.
I intend to carry on working on myself as I love me and I'm on this earth for a reason which I will learn along the way.
I just want to say that I am forever grateful to have met you and to have you as my mentor and friend.